I have been married to my husband for 3 years now and we have done all right. We were good in the beginning and the early stages of my pregnancy, but early on, I got the glimmers that he didn’t like to work very well and he wasn’t very good around the house. I was brought up with a strict Midwestern work ethic, so me working and bringing money into the house is just what is done.

Things got worse, and many fights happened, and then in February 2008, the bomb dropped. My husband had a psychotic break, was going to kill someone and then himself. It took myself, my sister-in-law and 3 police officers to talk him down. He went into the hospital for 4 days, during which I was accused of not loving him because I couldn’t get him released.

During our marriage control of the finances has gone back and forth. I didn’t want it and was up front with him from the beginning that I didn’t want it. However, after 3 failed attempts and losing phone service, and nearly being evicted from rental homes several times, not to mention keeping the electricity on, I have taken over control again.

After the psychotic break, my husband was diagnosed with Bi-Polar Type I. What this means is that my husband has rather debilitating mental illness, coupled with recently diagnosed arthritis in spine and shoulder.

I felt completely unprepared to tackle this life. I received no support from the hospitals or doctors, and only got a list of his medications upon his release. All of a sudden I had a second person to take care of. How does one budget? How does one make the hard decisions? How does one be a wife and mother and still a matriarch?

I wrestle with these issues on a daily basis. I am constantly thinking about what I want us to be able to do and where I want us to go, both financially and as a family. How to raise our daughter in a bi-polar household without having her scarred for life and still be productive?

I have been very fortunate in that I have the unqualified moral support of my mother and oldest brother. While I do my best to do everything myself, they are still willing to help with certain things, thank goodness.

I will be writing here about what I’ve done, where my thoughts have been and taken us so far, and how I have dealt with this rather awesome responsibility that has been thrust upon me.

I hope you find some meaning and help in what I’ve done.